A Child's First True Hero: Dad

I thought this post would be appropriate as Father's day is just around the corner.  I want to start off by saying that I have absolutely no contact with my biological father.  The last time we spoke I was 18 years old and we had a disagreement over what he thought was normal behaviour on his part (I disagreed) and he hung up the phone on me.  He was a very abusive man towards my mother and my siblings and I.  My mother told him to leave after my sister and I told her to make a choice between him and us.  Oh sure after the separation, we did see him every other weekend for about 3 months and then all contact stopped. He just left.  We had no idea where he had gone and to be honest, I really didn't care.  I didn't find him again until that last phone call when I was 18.  He has a new life in Arizona with his new wife and her 3 kids. He never looked back.

What truly makes me sad, is the fact that he has no idea that he is a grandfather to my 4 beautiful children, my brothers 2 children and my sisters' soon to be 2 children. Although, at the end of the day, he really isn't a man I want in their lives. I am sure that I won't ever try to get in touch with him again and I am okay with that. Although my daughter does know that he wasn't a very nice man and that he used to hit me a lot, I am not sure what I will do if they ever want to try and contact him. I don't really want them to have anything to do with him but he is their biological grandfather, but I will cross that bridge if I ever have to.

So now that we have that out of the way, I wanted to really just discuss fathers versus dads. After that conversation, I never considered him anything more than a sperm donor, harsh I know, but that 's exactly what he became to me.  I really wish things had been different because what child doesn't want their father in the their life in whatever capacity they are capable of.  But alas, he ran and was capable of nothing more than donation. He lost his chance to be my dad and grandfather to my kids and there in lies the difference.

Any man can father a baby but it really does take a real man to be a dad.  It takes an even bigger man to be a father figure to a child that isn't even his. I really didn't have a great role model in which to compare other men to.  I have learned that being a dad means truly being there, being plugged in and just unconditionally loving your children.  Picking them up and brushing them off, all the while telling them they have to try again.  A dad is there to protect you and be your hero. Always your cheerleader.  He will listen and above all, just love you.

Now my step-dad and I haven't always seen eye to eye but at the end of the day I could ask him to do something for me and he would be there.  He walked me down the aisle for my first marriage and was there to help pick up the pieces when it fell apart.  He stood with my now husband as his best man for my second marriage.  We get along as well as any step-dad and daughter could and I know I can count on him.

So now that I am a mother, I am glad that my 3 children from my first marriage are lucky enough to have 2 real men in their lives, 2 heroes.  Their father, although he was not a great husband or father when we were married, he has become an amazing dad now.  He loves them wholeheartedly, he's plugged in and he tries his best with what he knows a father should be (his father passed away when he was 8).  My husband, their step-dad also loves them unconditionally.  We also have a son together and his love is no different for him than the other 3.  That makes him an amazing man in my books.  When a man can love another mans' children they way he does, there is no greater love.  I am so amazingly happy and thankful that my children will grow up with two men who are real men.  They love these kids unconditionally and that is all a child really needs.

So to all the real men in the world, thank you.  Thank you for helping to make our little people, great big people.  Thank you for carrying us on your broad shoulders and for using them to protect us.  So this Father's Day, say thank you, say I love you, make sure they know how absolutely important they are to you and how thankful you are that they are your dad.