End of an Era (In a Manner of Speaking)

I can't believe that another school year has come and gone.  They have grown and matured and now, as of September, my three oldest babies will all be in school all day.  I am a little sad about this only because I remember giving birth to all three of them, how little they all once were, how attached they were to me and now they will all be spreading their wings and flying.

My oldest will be off to middle school next year.  Walking to school on her own for the first time, it scares the absolute crap out of me but alas I have to breathe and trust her, it's the whole spreading her wings thing again. She is nervous and excited as this is a whole new chapter for her. She is growing and changing so much, I am not even sure how I am going to keep up.  New school, new concepts, PMS, hormones, emotional roller coaster called puberty.  But I know that she will make it through all of these challenges just as she has so many others.  She is my baby (always will be) and my only little girl. I am forever thankful that I was able to have a girl.  I look forward to late night ice cream eating sessions talking about stuff, being there when she needs a shoulder to cry on and building her back up when someone decides to try and break her down.  She is beautiful, unique and I am so proud of her and of all the things that she stands for.  I know that she will be amazing next year and that the nerves will be gone after the first week. I believe she is a born leader, she is strong and smart and beautiful and the world will be hers for the taking.

My oldest son, who will be 8 in September, is amazing in his own right. He is my quiet silent type, he is amazingly brilliant without knowing it. I swear he could build entire countries out of lego from memory.  He is a thinker and an engineer.  He can build things out of nothing.  He loves his DS and his nintendo.  I love him for all the sweet hugs and kisses he bestows upon me but love it even more when he wipes off the ones I give him.  He really doesn't like school but does extremely well. He will be the one who will always be there for his family no matter what.  He will be a gentleman and a scholar (what he really wants to do is make video games for a living) and a well rounded guy who will do anything for you.  He has an old soul and has so much love to give the world.  He will be behind so many great things but won't take the credit for it but will make sure that everyone else does.  He is such a loving and wonderfully easy going kid.  He will go places in this world as long as I keep him engaged and help him tackle the stuff about school he doesn't like.  I can't wait to watch him grow and mature and become the amazing man I know he will be.

My 5 year old son has so many special qualities about him. He will one day make a woman very happy.  If you are doing something he will be the one offering to help.  He loves to help with laundry, unloading the dishwasher, getting dinner ready and vacuuming. He always want to be there with you.  He is very loving and just needs a few minutes alone with you everyday.  He is usually always happy and loves to ride his bike and play outside. He loves his brothers and sister and loves spending time with them.  He is curious about everything and wants to know how everything works. His favourite word most days is "why".  I try not to leave him on his own without knowing where he is as he tends to "experiment" to see how things work, like the time he put the toilet paper end in the toilet to see if he could flush the whole roll.  He will be off to grade one next year and will be at school all day next year.  This will be a huge change for him as he has only been half-day for the last 2 school years. I expect that he will be up to the challenge and I am sure he will do amazingly.

Last but most definitely not least, is my littlest and newest edition.  He will be reaching a huge milestone over the summer as well.  My little guy will be 1.  I can't believe how fast the time has gone.  I remember his birth like it was yesterday, although that can be said of all of my kidlets.  He has grown so much these last few months.  He is almost ready to take his first steps as he scoots around the furniture.  He has become a wonderful addition to our family and I can't wait to see his personality come out to see just who this little man will be.  He is funny and his laugh is infectious.  His smile can light up the whole room and he smiles at you with his eyes. They are beautiful and big and of course he has the longest eye lashes I have ever seen.  He is a happy little guy and he loves his siblings so much. He looks so much like his daddy did when he was a baby.  He's my last little baby and I want time to slow down so he can stay a baby just a little while longer.

I hope that they grow up to all be wonderfully happy and successful adults.  I know that I may not always do the right thing but I will always do what I think is best and will be the most beneficial to them.  I know that eventually as they get older we will disagree but I hope that all the love and support I show them will let them know how much they were loved and that all of the things I did when they were younger really was in their best interests.  At the end of the day I am their mom and I love them with everything I have and I will be there for them through every stage of their lives and that to me is the best thing I can do for them as a parent. So as we head into this new stage of their childhood, I can't wait for what's to come and hope that they all have fun doing it.

Our Long Distance Love - Meeting my Husband From Across the Ocean

This is probably the easiest story for me to tell and one that I want to tell you all about.

As you know, if you have been reading my blog, I was married for almost 10 years but in 2010 we separated and soon after, got divorced. During the last year or so of my marriage, I was unhappy and I spent a lot of time on my IPhone.  Probably more time than I should have but it was the only little bit of happiness besides my kids, that I really had.  In August of 2010, I downloaded an app called Bingo Live 90.  It is just a little bingo app that allows you to chat with other players in the room.

I spent a lot of time playing this game as it was just a time waster and I was soon talking to almost everyone in the rooms.  There was a group of us that became really close and played and chatted together all the time. Honestly, my IPhone and the people in that bingo game became my friends. Although to this day we have never met, I still keep in contact with them on a regular basis and if I ever visit their hometowns, I am sure that we would get together for coffee.

The chatting in the bingo game eventually moved out to Skype.  Skype is an amazing way to connect with people all over without having to pay long distance fees.  I was able to chat with my him in England and it cost me nothing. Once a week we would all have a chat.  I remember my very first Skype conversation with him.  Honestly, if you are a woman, his voice would have had you swooning.  I am not bragging but I am sure that any woman out there would admit that hearing a British accent really is sexy.  I loved hearing him talk.  I purposely used to ask him questions that would take him a few minutes and lots of talking to answer just so I could listen to him speak.

One of the very first things I realized about him was that we were a lot alike.  We had quite a few of the same interests and we could talk for hours about everything and nothing.  He was also in an unhappy marriage and was in the process of getting divorced as well.  Our meeting and subsequent relationship happened very quickly. Do I think that it may have been too soon? Was he a rebound relationship?  Was this good for the kids? These thoughts and many others went through my mind but in the end I decided to see where it would go.

He spoiled me over the next few months.  Having my favourite perfume sent to me as a surprise, roses delivered on Valentine's day (11 real roses and 1 fake with a note that said "I will love you until the last rose dies, I'm pretty sure I cried for over an hour) and cards sent to me in the mail, just because.

We decided that he would come to Canada to visit me in March of 2011.  It was march break here for the kids so my sister-in-law (the angel that she is) said she would take them for a visit to her house in Michigan for the week and then I didn't have to worry about the kids for the week and I could decide if they were going to meet him or not.

The day he was arriving a friend of mine dropped me off at the airport and I waited.  I have never been so scared, nervous and excited all at the same time.  What if he didn't like me?  What if we didn't hit it off? I should have left all of the nerves at the door because it couldn't have been more perfect.  I saw him immediately and just like that it was like a door to a whole new life opened for us. We spent the week doing fun "touristy" stuff.  I got to go to the CN tower for dinner for the first time, we went shopping (he most definitely spoiled me), we spent a night in Niagara Falls in which he had the most amazing rainbow coloured roses delivered and waiting in our hotel room for me and we took my parents to dinner at Stage West, another first for me.

Everything was absolutely perfect and the only thing left was to pick my kids back up in Michigan and introduce him.  That went even better than I expected as well.  The kids had seen and spoken to him with me on Skype and we introduced him as my friend. The week couldn't have gone any better but it came to an end and I had to say goodbye.  About 3 weeks went by and we decided that we needed to be in the same country so I started looking into jobs that he could do, so he could come to Canada and work.  He was a truck driver in England so I started there.  Eventually, I found a company that had a foreign worker program and would take him as an employee here.  So it was decided, I would go visit him in England in July of 2011, my first trip anywhere (up until this point I had never been anywhere and never on a plane) and it was amazing, but I will save that for another post.  We now call that trip our honeymoon before the wedding.

On July 23, 2011 we landed in Toronto and our life here began.  We got married in September 2012 and had our son in August 2013.  We are currently waiting for his permanent residency to be approved and hope to have that sometime this summer.  We started off in different parts of the world but in the end love really did find me and I can't wait for what the future will bring us.

A Child's First True Hero: Dad

I thought this post would be appropriate as Father's day is just around the corner.  I want to start off by saying that I have absolutely no contact with my biological father.  The last time we spoke I was 18 years old and we had a disagreement over what he thought was normal behaviour on his part (I disagreed) and he hung up the phone on me.  He was a very abusive man towards my mother and my siblings and I.  My mother told him to leave after my sister and I told her to make a choice between him and us.  Oh sure after the separation, we did see him every other weekend for about 3 months and then all contact stopped. He just left.  We had no idea where he had gone and to be honest, I really didn't care.  I didn't find him again until that last phone call when I was 18.  He has a new life in Arizona with his new wife and her 3 kids. He never looked back.

What truly makes me sad, is the fact that he has no idea that he is a grandfather to my 4 beautiful children, my brothers 2 children and my sisters' soon to be 2 children. Although, at the end of the day, he really isn't a man I want in their lives. I am sure that I won't ever try to get in touch with him again and I am okay with that. Although my daughter does know that he wasn't a very nice man and that he used to hit me a lot, I am not sure what I will do if they ever want to try and contact him. I don't really want them to have anything to do with him but he is their biological grandfather, but I will cross that bridge if I ever have to.

So now that we have that out of the way, I wanted to really just discuss fathers versus dads. After that conversation, I never considered him anything more than a sperm donor, harsh I know, but that 's exactly what he became to me.  I really wish things had been different because what child doesn't want their father in the their life in whatever capacity they are capable of.  But alas, he ran and was capable of nothing more than donation. He lost his chance to be my dad and grandfather to my kids and there in lies the difference.

Any man can father a baby but it really does take a real man to be a dad.  It takes an even bigger man to be a father figure to a child that isn't even his. I really didn't have a great role model in which to compare other men to.  I have learned that being a dad means truly being there, being plugged in and just unconditionally loving your children.  Picking them up and brushing them off, all the while telling them they have to try again.  A dad is there to protect you and be your hero. Always your cheerleader.  He will listen and above all, just love you.

Now my step-dad and I haven't always seen eye to eye but at the end of the day I could ask him to do something for me and he would be there.  He walked me down the aisle for my first marriage and was there to help pick up the pieces when it fell apart.  He stood with my now husband as his best man for my second marriage.  We get along as well as any step-dad and daughter could and I know I can count on him.

So now that I am a mother, I am glad that my 3 children from my first marriage are lucky enough to have 2 real men in their lives, 2 heroes.  Their father, although he was not a great husband or father when we were married, he has become an amazing dad now.  He loves them wholeheartedly, he's plugged in and he tries his best with what he knows a father should be (his father passed away when he was 8).  My husband, their step-dad also loves them unconditionally.  We also have a son together and his love is no different for him than the other 3.  That makes him an amazing man in my books.  When a man can love another mans' children they way he does, there is no greater love.  I am so amazingly happy and thankful that my children will grow up with two men who are real men.  They love these kids unconditionally and that is all a child really needs.

So to all the real men in the world, thank you.  Thank you for helping to make our little people, great big people.  Thank you for carrying us on your broad shoulders and for using them to protect us.  So this Father's Day, say thank you, say I love you, make sure they know how absolutely important they are to you and how thankful you are that they are your dad.

VIP Daddy Daughter Day at Glama Gal Tween Spa

VIP Daddy Daughter Day – Sunday June 15th,2014

What better way to spend Father’s Day then with your daughter at the SPA! Check out this great package as we transform our Glama Gal Tween Spa into a place where Dad and Daughter can have some special bonding time in a unique way. We have time slots available between 10 a.m. and 6 p.m. on Sunday June 15th,2014

*DIY Cologne and Perfume Making for the 2 of You

*My heart belongs to Daddy Locket Creation

*Ultimate Daddy Makeover- Use our Make Up and Give Dad a makeover

*Chocolate Facial Masks For the Two of You

*Caramel Hand Masks and Massages

*Daddy’s Little Girl Photo Keepsake of the two of you

*Root Beer and Pretzels Served Throughout

Approximately 1 hour

$85.00 per father daughter duo

Add additional daughter or son for $40.00 each

*Portion of sales from this day will go to Heart & Stroke in honour of  our Ultimate Glama Gal Dad Mark Cannone*

Qustodio - Parental Control Software

I thought I would write a little post about Qustodio.  I received this product after winning a giveaway during the #UBP14 blog party week last month.  I won a one year subscription to Qustodio which is a parental control program that I can use to keep my young kids safe while still allowing them the freedom to use the Internet. In no way was I paid by Qustodio for this review, I just thought as a parent that it needed to be put out there as we all want our kids safe.

I want to start by saying that this program is by no means going to keep your children safe if you aren't still involved in the process.  As a parent of 4 young children, I know that the only way to really keep them safe is stay as plugged in to their lives and the things that they are doing at all times.  The benefit to having Qustodio is that it can give you the extra eyes and ears we all sometimes need.

One of the first things I liked about this program when I read about it was the fact that I can use it across multiple devices and multiple children.  A good thing since I have 3 kids using the Internet. It can also be used on apple devices, android devices, kindle, Mac O/S and Windows.  I will most definitely be writing another review when my daughter starts using her IPhone which I will be installing the software on as well.

When I first went to the site to download the software, it was pretty straightforward and the instructions were easy to follow.  The other great thing I liked about this software was its ease of use.  It took me all of 10 minutes to setup both of my older two kids.  I also loved the fact that although I put the software on the laptop my daughter got for Christmas, it actually setup another account for my son as there wasn't one on her laptop.  It was the easiest setup I have had with any parental software (trust me when I say I have tried a few).  I am hoping the setup for the IPhone is just as easy (but more on that later).

If you notice the screenshot below, you will see the detailed report you will get when you login to your parent account online.  It gives you a breakdown of exactly what your child was doing while browsing the Internet on any computer or device that you have the software setup on.  It will also allow you to put time limits and blocking of webpage content.  With the other parental software I used, I found that they had an all or nothing approach where Qustodio is more customizable and allows you to choose what you want and how you want it.  It allows you to add trusted sites as well to make your life even easier.

Another plus for this software is the e-mail alerts and updates.  I receive an e-mail automatically as soon as either child attempts to access a site that is off-limits or if Qustodio believes there may be a threat to their safety.  I also receive a detailed e-mail every morning outlining the previous days' activity.  I love this feature as I can check up on them and be more aware of there browsing habits and if I need to have a chat with them about what they are doing it's much easier to go in with information.  Both of my children know the software is there and they know that it is to keep them safe.  My daughter, who is 10, uses the Internet a lot and I like that I know what's going on at all times.  I find that it's easier to stay plugged in if I know what they have been doing. It definitely helps to keep the lines of communication open.

Now I have a one year subscription which is worth $44.95 and allows you to track 5 users and 5 devices, they do have a free version as well as a version that tracks 10 users and 10 devices for $79.95.  You can read about it here. The main differences between the free version and the premium version are in the table below (note that anything with a star is only available with the subscription).  As you can see most of the great features of this software are available for free which is great.

Overall, I am a huge fan of this software and I will most likely be renewing my subscription in a year.  I am glad that I won this as I am confident that is helping me keep my kids safer than if we didn't have it.

For more information or to download the software for yourself visit http://www.qustodio.com.

Please note that this software is just a piece of the puzzle and although it can help you in many ways, at the end of the day, you still need to be vigilant and plugged in to what your kids are doing

Glama Gal Tween Spa Media Event

Wow! Amazing! Two words that come to mind when I think about this spa for girls. My daughter Jocelyn (who is 10) and I drove out to the media event for the new Glama Gal location in Unionville.  I can tell you it was worth the drive for the smiles and absolute happiness on her face.  Not only was this the perfect thing for her and I to get some special mommy/daughter time, it is the perfect place for any tween girl anytime.

I could tell from the moment we arrived, how excited she was.  We don't very often get to spend a few hours together alone.  She was so happy for this time with me and I am glad we spent it at the Glama Gal event.

Now Jocelyn isn't really a "girly" girl, she is a lot like I was at her age, more of a tomboy I'd say but she does love to dress up and get pampered every once in awhile.  When we first walked into the Unionville location, it smelled wonderful.  It was like bubble gum and cotton candy.  Laura one of the owners of Glama Gal greeted us at the door and gave us an introduction to the spa and sent us on our way to the stations they had set up for the event.  My daughter decided to try out the Glam Lab.  What a great idea!  She got her choice of making lotion, lip gloss, bath scrub or bubble bath. What great choices!  She decided to make bubble bath. They give you a bottle and you get to pick what you put in it.  She chose strawberry and orange with glitter dust and silver stars.  She absolutely loves it!

I think what I noticed next as we walked up the stairs to the rest of the spa were all of the great quotes all over the walls.  They were inspiring, confidence building and just plain perfect!

The whole entire spa is beautifully done in pink and white and it's all very glamourous! I have never believed in a company and what they do more than I do this one. I love what the whole Glama Gal oath is truly about. Be confident, Be Positive, Be You!

I asked my daughter to write about her experience and give it me to put into this post so here is her experience with Glama Gal in Unionville:

"What really amazed me about this spa is that on the outside it looks like an old barn but on the inside it looks amazing! It's like the say it's not what you look like on the outside, it's what's inside that counts. First I went to the make your own bath stuff station. There are 4 things to choose from: Bubble bath, Lip gloss (not really bath stuff), this facial soap that looks like a sundae and lotion. I decided to choose bubble bath. Next I went to go get a manicure at the manicure station.  They painted my nails any colour you could ask for, I asked for green because it's my favourite.  They also put really cute bows on my thumbs too. After I was done with that they had a guest from my favourite show, The Next Step. They had brought one of my favourite characters from the show, Stephanie! I got a picture with her and an autograph. Afterwards I went to the food station. First I tried a juice they had called Pinkitini. It tasted amazing! They had a veggie and fruits table for the healthy side of things and cupcakes and everything for a little treat. Afterwards I went for a cucumber mist facial and hand massage. It was so relaxing! Lastly I went to the makeup station. There was a variety of cosmetics to choose from and the girl there put some eye-shadow and lip gloss on me. This was an amazing experience for me and I’m sure it will be for you too!"

And if all of that wasn't enough, they sent Jocelyn home with a bunch of goodies, including a gorgeous spa bathrobe with her name stitched on it.  She absolutely felt like a princess.  I can't wait to go again and try out their many different spa packages and I think this year, Jocelyn will be getting a very awesome birthday party here!

If you have a tween in your life whether it's your daughter, niece, granddaughter or neighbour, you owe it to her and you to have an experience at this spa.  You will leave feeling pampered, empowered, confident and above all uniquely you!

Thanks to my new friends at Glama Gal Tween Spa, I am so excited to announce that we are giving away A My First Day at the Spa package worth $60.00! This is valid at any of the Glama Gal locations (Vaughan, Ajax, Newmarket, Oakville, Toronto and Unionville).

Enter below for your chance to win!!

Disclaimer:  Although all the spa services were given to us for free, the opinions in this blog are all my own.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Glama Gal Tween Spa - I'm a Glambassador

I am so super stoked to say that I have become a Glambassador for Glama Gal Tween Spa.  I am looking forward to working with them as who doesn't love a good spa day, right?

I think what I am going to love most is the chance to spend some one on one time with my only little glama gal.  She is going to love this place!  I look forward to keeping you guys posted on upcoming events and giveaways.  Our first trip is on Thursday and I can't wait to tell you all about it (from my point of view and hers).

So I will tell you a little about what I know so far and I am quite happy to say I am super excited to work with these guys. Here's a excerpt from their site:

**Glama Gal Tween Spa is Canada’s Premier Award Winning Spa dedicated to girls of all ages. We provide spa services that cater specifically to young girls. We specialize in Spa Birthday Parties, Day Spa Services, Mom and Me Spa Days, VIP Nights,  Be YOU Workshops, Camp Programs and Much More.  We also carry exclusive organic tween bath treats , cosmetic lines and unique gifts.**

I love the fact that they believe in making all young girls feel beautiful inside and out! In today's society that is such an important thing that all girls need to be told and as a mom of a young girl who is being molded by what she sees and hears, this is just what she needs, and not just her but all young girls.  I love the glama gal oath so much that I intend to make it a part of my life and hers. Another excerpt from their site.

**Their pink and white adorned walls have the infamous Glama Gal Oath where tween guests are reminded of their special time at Glama Gal and to appreciate that their inner beauty is far more important than their outer beauty. This is how the tween spa experience comes full circle in encouraging girls to take care of their inner tween as well. You can get the most perfectly polished toes and leave knowing you have the most perfectly polished positive personality too!!**

Be Confident! Be Positive! Be You!

I can't wait until Thursday and you will all know after our trip to their newest location in Unionville, but until then check them out at Glama Gal.

Parenting after Divorce

If anyone said that divorce is the easy way out, never had to co-parent with another person who's views in no way resembled yours.  Co-parenting my 3 kids with my ex is anything but an "easy way out".

He suffers from major depressive disorder, anxiety and severe OCD. It's very difficult to just stay civil with him let alone raise kids together. Every step forward becomes twenty steps back. He loves his kids, of that much I'm sure, but parenting with him is a whole other ball of wax. 

Let's take today for an example. I won a family pack of 4 tickets to Centreville for their Easter egg hunt and games for this weekend.  I figured since he has the kids every weekend, I would offer the tickets to him so he could take the kids.  That way the only expense is the ferry across to Toronto Island. Well a few days ago he was a little worried about the ferry because his brain always thinks of everything bad that could possibly happen at all times. So worst case scenario is the ferry tips or sinks and he can't swim so he can't save the kids. So I tell him that ferry accidents are rare and I'm sure that I've never heard of one happening in Toronto. He agrees that he will take the kids and we move on.  Well now a ferry has sunk in Korea and now he doesn't want to take them because it could happen here. 

It's so hard for me to judge what he will do on any given day. When things like this come up, I always tell him not to say anything to the kids so that they don't get disappointed and upset if he breaks a promise to them as he does tend to do. Not on purpose but he can't help the OCD. So after nearly 35 minutes on the phone he is taking them, he's nervous and anxious, but he's taking them because that's what he said he would do.

Then comes our conversation with respect to the easter bunny.  A very simple conversation one would think when you are raising young children but this was in no way a simple conversation.  The three kids are 10, 7 and 5 and up until Christmas 2012 all three still believed in all of it, santa, the tooth fairy and even the easter bunny, fast forward and now only 2 still believe.  Why? Well my daughter asked and he can't tell a lie, even a little one like santa because she will grow up not to trust him as a parent because he told her santa was real and then told her he wasn't.  Seriously?? You are an idiot.  I never distrusted my parents after they told me the truth.  I understand it even more now that I'm a parent.  So he has them over this easter weekend but I know that he isn't going to hide eggs so I tell him to tell them a story about how the easter bunny knows they will be home here and this is where he will hide eggs and I get told he can't possibly tell them that as it would be a lie. GRRRRRRR! They are kids and on the big scope of things, these little lies won't hurt them, they are meant for fun and a little happiness.  I know for a fact he had all of these things when he was a kid but now because he believes in God, he can't let them believe in something that isn't real because they may feel the same way about Jesus. WTF??? Anyway, I told him not to bother that I wasn't going to tell them anything because I am sure they have even forgotten for now anyway  and then that way he doesn't have to be put in a position to tell them the truth and ruin easter and I can still let my kids be little for a little while longer.

After this conversation, I am convinced that I was high or in a drunken stupor to have kids with him (although no matter what I would never change who my kids are as I love them more than life) but now I'm stuck trying to somehow make them well-rounded adults with this man and co-parent them so they can grow and prosper.  At this rate, I am sure I am somehow going to mess it up, but I will keep trying even if he can't.

The Ups and Downs of Parenting More Than One - When Sickness Hits

I am at a loss.  As a parent we want to do everything we can to ensure that our children are safe and protect them from whatever we can.  This includes trying our hardest to make sure we are being safe about bacteria.  Washing hands, sneezing into arms and generally not sharing stuff even with their siblings when they are sick. Personally, I do all of these things and yet here I am on infection god knows how many for my littlest man.  I swear this child has the immune system of a fruit fly.

If it is going around he is going to catch it and he is going to get it worse than anyone else.  I have three older kids that attend the biggest germ factory on the planet, school.  Now I get that kids gets sick and if my kids just have the sniffles I will send them to school.  I do have the luxury of being a stay at home parent so if my kids are really sick, I can keep them home.  My problem is, how do I protect the baby (who has not yet been immunized fully due to his age) from everyday illnesses that continue to plague my household?  Unfortunately, everything that goes around at the kids school, he will get.  Right now we are dealing with Fifths disease, which for my other kidlets, it's not so bad but for baby it's awful.  He is cranky and doesn't want to be put down but doesn't really want to be held either.  He won't play on his own for more than 2 minutes before he starts getting upset again and for me I have never been able to be the "cry it out" type and his crying makes me sick to my stomach and I have to go to him immediately. He is really not sleeping (add here I'm not sleeping as we co-sleep and every move or fuss he makes wakes me immediately) and I miss my happy little man.

Earlier in his little life, he contracted a UTI and viral meningitis from a simple virus that my kids came home with.  All of them only had the sniffles but baby ended up in hospital for 4 days.  Fast forward a few weeks and now he has an upper respiratory infection, a round of antibiotics and a puffer. Another couple of weeks and we are battling yet another cold.  Stuffy nose and can't eat properly, barely sleeping unless he is upright and (insert here once again no sleep for me, unless you count the 6 minutes I got sleeping upright in a chair with babe on my chest) coughing.

I want to protect him but staying home all the time with a mask on really isn't an option. So where does that leave baby and I?  Well I figure he is getting it all out of the way now, so he will be the healthiest older child I've got.  His adulthood will not be plagued with anything more than the common cold.  I could just be kidding myself and he will continue down this path for longer than I would like or I could just place him in a bubble and keep him safe and germ free for life.  But really what kind of life would that be?

So everyday we battle on, taking all the sick-free days we get, enjoying everyday we have.  I'm lucky, my kids aren't battling something much worse or even life threatening.  For those of you parents who are, I send my hugs and my love to you.  I can't even imagine being in that situation.I don't want anyone to think that for one minute I am not completely thankful for what I do have. I just want a little more than 2 weeks of a sick free house.

It's Finally Happened

I'm not even sure when it happened.  Where was I? I'm sure it was December 25, 2003 yesterday and my chunky little Michelin tire baby was born, the little princess I waited so long for.  15 months of trying for a baby and 6 months of fertility appointments and struggles, 3 months on Clomid and finally the baby I so desperately wanted was here.  She was an amazing little girl, always surprising me with how smart she was and how easy things came to her.  But alas, she's gone and in her place is a beautiful, smart 10 year old who is growing before my eyes.  Blossoming into a young lady as I sit back and watch.  Changing into a wonderful and amazing soul.

Unfortunately, it's time.  The time that to be honest I never really was worried about dealing with. I've been pretty honest with all of my kids about lots of things.  I think that they all know that no matter what I will be there for them, listen to them and they can ask me anything.

She really started asking questions when I got pregnant with baby number 4.  She wanted to know everything.  How does baby get in your tummy?  How does baby grow? Can I be in the room when you have him?  Well that last question was something I hadn't even considered.  I thought about, talked to my husband about it and finally couldn't really come to a decision about it.  I tried to think about how she would feel seeing me uncomfortable and in pain and I wondered if she could handle that, but what about the actual birth? So I went online and found "The Miracle of Life" and after fast forwarding through the first bit (the sex part), I got her to watch.  She watched the whole thing in awe and when it was finished she says "well that wasn't so bad and by the way how does the sperm get into the girl to reach the egg?". I kind of said something about the fact that it didn't really matter how and then went onto something else without actually really answering the question. She dropped it and asked me another question, one I was fully able to answer. I just think that she really doesn't need to know how at the age of 10. I'm glad that it was enough but that changed a few days ago.

I am assuming that she has been hearing things from the kids at school, or conversations she overhears with the adults as the bus stop but she has been saying things that aren't necessarily wrong but I would rather her know things about sex from me and not the kids at school.

So I sat down with her and we started to talk.  I asked her where she had heard some of the things she had said and she immediately started getting embarrassed and didn't want to talk to me.  I tried to get her to understand that she can talk with me about anything, that I would try my best to answer her questions and that way she had information that was correct.

We had a great talk and I didn't have to divulge to much information that I really don't think she is ready for.  She is after all, my baby (even if she is the oldest) and I want her to keep a little of her innocence so that she can be my little girl a little while longer.  She has plenty of time for all the other information that I still need to give her.  I will keep her safe and informed, but for now she knows just enough to keep the questions at bay, if even for only a few more months.

Sunshine after the Rain: Finding Happiness after Divorce

As I sit here typing this, I am wondering why am I choosing to write this now?  I think it is actually therapeutic.  I can finally tell the story about what happened and then be done with it all.  Well almost done, we do have 3 kids to raise without screwing them up but I think we may just be able to do that.

15 years.  That's what I felt I had lost, but I've gained so much more. I'll explain.

I was with my ex from the age of 18 until I was 33.  We were married almost 10 years when I made the decision to leave the marriage.  The decision was all mine.  He says he didn't see it coming but I'm not sure how he couldn't have.

My decision to end things was not made lightly.  I had 3 small children to consider.  I hadn't worked in almost 8 years so I wasn't even sure how I was going to be able to support us if I couldn't find a decent job. I stressed about it for months but finally in December 2010, I just couldn't think of any more reasons why I was still in the marriage at all.  I worried how it would be for the kids but I knew that leaving the constant fighting and tension and the loveless relationship had to be better than staying in it.  My ability to be a wife to him anymore was gone.  I had honestly begun to hate him, actually hate me and the person I was with him.  I had let him make me feel worthless, lonely and depressed.  My whole entire being was based on who I was with him.  I didn't like me anymore, I didn't like the person I was with him or my kids.  It wasn't all his fault though, I had let him.  I had given him all the power and it was time to take it back.

Then it hit me.  The person I had become was an awful mom, an awful wife and an awful friend.  The depression had taken over my life and I didn't even want to be in it anymore.  I loved my kids more than anything in the world and I had to get me back for them.  I had to be the mom they needed and I needed to do it now.  The only way I knew that I could accomplish this was to leave what was making life unbearable, him.  I didn't love him anymore.  I didn't love me anymore, so I told him I was done.

Oh my god, it was absolutely freeing.  I felt a weight lift.  It was an almost immediate sense of relief.  I could be me again.  I didn't even cry over it.  Does that make me sound cold? I hope not because I am not a cold person.  I am loving and caring and not at all cold, I just had spent the last 5 years of my life, my marriage unhappy and resentful.  I even thought in those last 5 years that having another baby would help change things, make things better.  It did not, it made things worse and then I had 3 children to deal with and depression and a crappy marriage. 

We just grew apart.  We wanted different things, needed different things.  He found God, I did not.  He made the choice to make that his priority and that's okay (now) but it wasn't enough for me.  I needed intimacy and emotional connection, he could care less.

Does that make him a bad guy? No, it doesn't.  He just wasn't the guy for me anymore.  He is a great father and loves his kids to death.  He and I can actually talk now as friends would.  No more fighting or arguing (although we do occasionally collide sometimes) and the relationship is better this way.  We still have issues but they are easier to deal with now.  I wish that it had been different, that my kids didn't have deal with a broken home but in the end we will all be happier.

So what's the point of this whole long winded post?  Well the point is, even after divorce, you can be happy again.  You can have everything you ever wanted in love.  Divorce doesn't have to be the end of giving your heart away.  You can learn from divorce.

I learned exactly what kind of a partner I needed and deserved.  I know what kind of a partner I am.  I learned what is really important to me and my life right now.  My kids are my priority and my new partner would have to accept that I am a package deal including having to deal with my ex on a regular basis.

Although I spent 15 years of my life believing I was with my "soulmate" only to realize that I wasn't, I ended up with 3 amazing kids and a truly new ability to love myself, my kids and my new husband.

This time around we are equals, partners in everything.  We truly love and respect one another.  He was divorced as well so we both had the same needs and wants going into this.  We are truly happy and life is good!

The Making of Our Blended and Wonderfully Happy Family

Since I haven't really told my story, I thought I would share it.  I hope you enjoy reading it as much I enjoyed writing about it. :)

My journey started 4 years ago when I left my husband of almost 10 years as we just weren't working anymore.  We tried counselling and all the things married couples try but I couldn't stay even for the children. We had grown apart and we wanted different things.  I think overall our breakup was amicable.  We've had a few horrible moments over the past 4 years but we've acted like the adults we are and gotten through it.  

I had honestly dropped out of the marriage prior to our separation but in all honesty so had he. Although he will never admit that he did, not being there for me and the kids on any level other than "providing" for us pretty much left me alone.  I was tired of all the fighting and our kids were only 7, 4 and 2.  I had to make a choice for me and the kids.  Although I don't think that separation and divorce are for everyone, it was for me.  I was unhappy, unloved and taken for granted.  He also in the last 6 years of our relationship created a relationship with God that I chose not to partake in and that caused a lot of problems.  His OCD made life with him difficult since everything he did (including God) was all or nothing.  I struggled for some time coming to the decision as I was going to be on my own with 3 kids and I hadn't worked in almost 8 years. I was strong though and I knew it would be hard but I would do it.

During the last 6 or so months of my relationship I found a little bit of solace and friendship with people I met online.  They were great listeners and I could be me with them and not worry about judgement or criticism.  I was playing an online bingo app on my Iphone with lots of different people around the world.  They were so funny and great to talk with while we played.  This is where I met my now husband.  He lived in England and he would play bingo all the time with us. There was a little group of us that used to all play.  Most of which I still have contact with to this day.
After a few months of chatting online we all started using skype to stay in contact with one another. A few of them are in the USA and a few were overseas in the UK.  I had my first skype conversation with my hubby in December of 2010.  This led to many more conversations on skype and our friendship grew.  He decided to come and visit me in March and was planning a week here with me.  He had spoken to my kids on skype a few times but I decided that I wasn't ready for them to meet him before I got the chance to.  They went to visit their aunt for the week (it was March Break here) and I stayed to spend time with him.  We did all of the touristy stuff that Toronto has to offer.  He took me to the CN tower for dinner (it was my first time too), we spent a night in Niagara Falls and took my parents out to dinner at Stage West.  To be honest he really did all of the things that had been missing in my previous relationship.  We had an amazing week and two days before he was to fly back to the UK, we picked my kids up together as I had decided that it was okay for them to meet him.

The next time we would be together was July.  I flew over to the UK to spend 20 days there with him.  We drove from London to France and then to Spain so I could meet his parents.  We had an amazing trip (it was my first trip on a plane anywhere) and now looking back we laugh that we had the honeymoon before the wedding.  We flew back to Toronto together and he has been here with us ever since.  We got married on September 15, 2012 after only 18 months together and I am so incredibly happy.  He is the most amazing guy anyone could ask for.  My kids love him to pieces (you just have to look at the handmade happy step-fatters day t-shirt they made him) and we all get along wonderfully.  

Don't get me wrong there are a lot of things that we have to deal with that some families who are not blended have to deal with.  Sometimes discipline is an issue for us as all 4 kids are mine but he is helping me raise 3 that aren't his.  We communicate really well most of the time but we still have issues like any other regular family.  Also having to deal with my ex and some of his "issues" can become tiresome and cause problems as well.

Overall, my kids are happy, healthy and enjoy having two men in their lives that love them more than anything on the planet.  Although the new baby is technically their half-sibling we have never stated it that way, nor will we.  As far as we are all concerned, they are brothers and sister and that's it.  They absolutely adore their new baby brother and because they are older, they love helping with him.  We love them all the same no matter what and at the end of the day, that's all that really matters.

Review: The Baby Bullet: My Adventure in Baby Food Making

So I decided today that I refuse to pay for baby food for my youngest child. I am so excited to try the baby bullet that I purchased today from Walmart for $59.00. I figure the cost will definitely be worth it over the course of baby's food adventures and will more than likely save me way more than $59.00.

So I decided today was as good a day as any to try it out. My little man is 7 months old now and he's had quite a few different foods so I figured why not just give him what we were having for dinner. 

Overall, I was quite impressed by the amount of stuff that came with the baby bullet. I got the bullet base (the motor), a large blender cup for making large amounts to freeze or for 7 days worth of food, a small cup for single serving, an instruction manual that also contains recipes for homemade baby food, it came with two different blades as well, one is for blending and puree and the other is for milling (if you wish to make your own version of baby cereals), a silicone container for freezing 6 portions and 6 small containers with lids and a ring that you can twist to the date you made them for refrigerating up to 3 days and a silicone spatula. I purchased an additional 6 small containers as I got them on clearance at Target.

I was quite excited to start using it as I figure I'm already feeding 5 other people it should be easy enough to fit baby in too. So I used the small blender cup which you can see in the picture on the left.  I didn't want to make too much as my son isn't really eating too much at a time.

I found the product overall very easy to use.  It was very quick too.  I had his dinner which was chicken breast, rice and mixed vegetables done before my husband was finished serving everyone else at the table.  I noticed while blending, that I had to keep adding a little water as my son still needs very fine puree but otherwise it was easy to get the consistency we needed. It was easy enough that my 5 year old would have no trouble being able to help me make the food.

I was able to get 3 servings of about 1 1/2 tbsp each from 1/4 of a large boneless chicken breast, 1 1/2 tbsp. of rice and 2 tbsp of mixed vegetables.  I used one serving for dinner and put the other two in one of the small containers.

Overall, I believe this product is going to be just what I need to save some money and be able to feed my baby knowing exactly what he is eating.  I think this product is good value for the money and I am looking forward to our adventures in baby food making.  Next I think I may try some fruit puree as those seem to be his favourite right now.

I think if you have the ability to use this product it can work well for any size family and for the price, I say you have got nothing to lose.

 **Please note I was not in any way paid for this review and these are my opinions only

Things I've found helpful in raising 4 kids

Have you ever just found something you were so glad you had found and would be upset if you couldn't have it anymore?  I have found many of these things over my parenting years, some more now that I have 4 kids.

I am forever thankful for Walmart Supercentres.  I know this sounds funny but when you are shopping for a family of 6 it is so nice to only have to make one trip to get everything I need.  Groceries, pharmacy, bakery, deli, clothes, diapers, toys ect.  All in one place and only one trip.  I am forever trying to save time and money and thankfully, Walmart supercentres do both.

I honestly have also found Twitter an amazing resource.  I have only been tweeting since November 2013 and I wish that I had started sooner. So many great parenting bloggers, mommies just like me and it's a valuable resource to get answers from companies.  I have had amazing luck getting responses from companies such as Walmart Canada, Indigo and even places to visit like the Ontario Science Centre.  It really has been a learning curve but so worth it.

Also I just joined Pinterest as well and oh my the stuff I have found is incredible!  Who knew?  Crafts, foods, stuff for the kids and most things not to expensive. I can't wait to try out some of the things I have recently pinned.

The internet overall really has been my saving grace for information (not all of it good) but mostly a easy way to gather information not only for myself but for the kids as well. It helped me find reasonably priced private singing lessons for my daughter, tubs of Lego for my son and helpful ideas for organizing my home. 

I can't wait to really get my blog up and running so that I too can help others with my tips and tricks for raising my beautiful children. 

March Break Fun

Well it's been a busy fun-filled week with the kids thanks to @CityPASS. What a great value for the money spent. Trust me when I say planning things to do with a family of 6 was hard on a budget but CityPASS made it possible. Our entire march break staycation cost under $500 for the entire week that included eating downtown while visiting the CN tower, ROM and Casa Loma as well as parking at the Toronto Zoo and Ontario Science Centre.  This also included the cost of the GO train from Mississauga to Union station and a day pass for the TTC.

Both the zoo and the science centre allow outside food so I packed up a cooler full of snacks and sandwiches for us to enjoy while having fun. This saved us a bunch of money and was a really great part of the two trips. 

I think that the City PASS is a great way for families to get the most for their money. Although we never did make it to CasaLoma as we couldn't figure out a way to do it without the stroller for baby, I'm sure it would have been fun for the kids. 

All in all, I know my kids enjoyed their march break this year. Now all I have to do is plan next years.