Needy Baby

I am feeling guilty.  Guilty that I don't have 3 of me.  My newest addition to our family is needy.  I am constantly feeding, bouncing, talking baby or sitting with him on me all day, every day.  My other children must feel that the baby is the only one that exists.  I love all my children equally but my time is definitely not equal.

I very rarely move from the sofa as my youngest will only sleep on me, eats every couple hours and has now gotten into the stage where if he doesn't see or hear me he will cry.  I love my little guy but I am going insane.  I stare at the same 4 walls all day long (which need to be painted so badly) and I rarely leave the house.  I can't even walk my other kids to the bus stop in the morning.

I try to get out of the house but it is so hard with this baby.  He hates his car seat and cries everytime I put him in it, so going out in the car is next to impossible.  I have tried to go for walks but those don't always go well either.

I really miss spending time with all my kids equally as well as I haven't really had any time with my hubby either. 

I'm tired, cranky and most definitely done having babies. I know that all this will pass and I will miss this time too as we all know they grow up way too fast. 

Loving my Life as a Mommy

I have always wanted to be a mom. Even as a little girl I knew that I would one day raise my own babies. The only thing I didn't know when I was a little girl was how hard that task was going to be. 

My kids are pretty good kids although they still test the waters every chance they get, they are good kids.  I think as a mother I really just want my kids to grow up and be functioning adults in society.  My goal for my boys (and my daughter too) is for them to be independent, caring and loving adults.  One thing that drove me crazy about my ex was the fact that he could not do anything himself.  He can't cook, clean or do laundry and at 40 he is still living at home (where he moved after we split up) and his mom is still doing his cooking, cleaning and laundry.  My boys will not be like this. Ever.  I am going to teach them these simple things that everyone should know.  I want them to be wonderful husbands who will help around the house and not be afraid to cook and do laundry.

I definitely want the same things for my daughter too but with her I want her to be strong and independent and love herself no matter what.  I don't want her to feel the pressure of being thin and the wrong body image that our society sends out. I need her to feel that her body is a temple and that it's hers and hers alone.  I don't want her to be pressured to give that away so easily either.  I think that if I had to choose which gender is harder t parent, I will say girls.  I have to worry so much more about her.  I hope that I do a good enough job as her mom, that she knows she can always talk to me about anything and that we have a very open, honest relationship.

I hope that in 20 years, I can look at my kids and say I did a good job and they can say the same.

Taking things for granted

I am not usually the type to take anything for granted and that is so much more true now than ever.  Having a long hot soak in the tub, putting on mascara, having alone time with my husband, these are things that I never have time for.  God forbid I get a whole half hour to myself.  It is currently 6:40 p.m., I have fed my three older kids and breastfed my little one.  My little one is currently sleeping while my daughter (the oldest) is holding him because tonight is her night for one on one time with baby.  My middle one is still eating a slice of pizza and playing on his I-Pod and my 5 year old son is upstairs watching a movie.

My house is unbelievably quiet as I type this post.  Wednesday nights are not usually like this.  
Wednesday nights are usually hectic and stressful since that is the night my husband goes out to play darts and poker with the boys.  I don't mind him going out, we all need a few minutes to de-stress, but I am jealous.  I would love to have a night but alas that is not possible.  My newest addition is an eating machine and since I am exclusively breastfeeding there is not much anyone can do with the feeding.  I could pump but I never have the time as he is either eating from me or sleeping on me.  To be honest I am too tired.  I have fallen asleep in the reclining chair with him still eating just to get a 20 minute power nap.

If I wasn't sure about whether I was done having kids, he has definitely made sure I don't want any more. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change anything about him.  He's cute and happy most of the time but man when he is not happy I tell you no one in this house is either.  He is extremely needy and eats every hour and a half to two hours.  To be able to type up this post is wonderful.  It means he isn't eating or sleeping on me.

I am finally finishing this post and it's now 9:43 p.m., 3 hours later.  That's how long it took to get my older boys to bed and then watch one show with my daughter (she has become a very huge Castle fan) and then feed the baby 2 more times until he finally fell asleep.  But alas it was not meant to be, I hear the little man fussing in his bassinet telling me it is once again time to feed....

My Very First Post

As I sit here typing this post, I ask myself why?  What made me make the decision to write about my life as a mom?  Who knows but I am here now and I am hoping to post lots in the days, weeks and months to come. I have some great and wonderful advice about raising kids (as I am currently parenting 4 of them) and man do I have some great funny and amusing stories too.  I think the real reason for "blogging" is to vent and speak my mind.  

Let's start at the beginning and tell you a little bit about me.  As I said above I am a mother of 4. Parenting four children is an incredibly daunting and time consuming task.  My kids range in age from my oldest being 10 in December to my newest addition being 10 weeks old.  I am sleep deprived and cranky most days and to be honest I am not entirely sure how I do it all in one day.  My youngest is extremely needy and for that last 10 weeks I have plopped my butt on my sofa and pretty much not moved.  My husband has been amazingly helpful but when you are the food source, the baby is pretty much your responsibility.  I am currently married to my second husband, Chris.  We have been married for a year and the baby is ours together.  The older three are from my first marriage which lasted almost 10 years but just wasn't meant to be. My first marriage ended for many reasons mostly due to lack of communication and too much fighting.  It was unhealthy for me and the kids so I made the decision to leave.  I met my new hubby online and to be honest, he is everything I wish I had had the first time around.  He is an amazing man who is a wonderful husband and a great role model and stepfather.  He is new to the whole baby thing but is also managing to be a great daddy too.

We are great as a team and have so far been tackling having four kids pretty well.  He is from England and is currently unable to work as we are still waiting for his visa to process so I am lucky enough to have him here with me everyday and it has been a godsend.

I am sure that as I sit here posting this (with the 5 minutes I have so generously been given) I wonder what it is that I want to accomplish with these posts.  If I accomplish nothing at all but this post with my 5 free minutes as a mom of 4 then so be it, but at least I got 5 minutes and they were all mine.