Scary Days

So last week my baby boy wasn't feeling well. Initially I thought he was getting a cold, since my older three weren't feeling 100% either but unfortunately it was not just a cold. He was cranky and crying and he was running a fever of 38.9 for hours. I had given Tylenol but as soon as the Tylenol wore off the fever would be back with a vengeance. 

I took him to our doctors office which also has a paediatric walk-in as well. As soon as the paediatrician saw him he told me to take him to the ER ASAP.  I was freaking out.  Being a mom of four and doing the ER thing with all of them, you would think I would be a pro but alas no. Each time is just as scary and disheartening. 

I got home and got my hubby to drop us off as the parking costs at the hospital are outrageous. I was immediately taken right away and by this time his fever had reached 39.  He was so tired but not sleeping well obviously. The doctor came in and started a work up right away. Urine and bloodwork and all his vitals. His temp reached 39.4 by the time they gave Tylenol. He was such a trooper get the IV line in. We waited what seemed like forever and then my hubby showed up. He had our friend watch the other 3 so he could come to the hospital with us. The doctor came in to tell us that his urine was clear and they were still waiting on blood. The next doctor we saw was the paediatrician who decided that my little man needed to have a spinal tap done as he was irritable and just not happy. That was honestly the hardest thing I have ever had to watch my kids go through to date. I just wanted to hold him and tell him it would be alright but I had to wait for the test to be over. We were admitted and he was started on a few rounds of IV antibiotics that deal with a few different things since they had no idea what was wrong with him yet. 

The next four days at the hospital were horrible. I wasn't sleeping and neither was he. Nurses coming in every 4 hours to check his IV or sooner if the stupid thing started beeping.  We had to wait for all the results to come back.  The first test to come back was the urine.  It was positive for a UTI, which is very common in little boys under 12 months I have come to find out.  So another change to the antibiotics and a trip to the ultrasound to make sure everything was okay with his kidneys, which thankfully they were fine.

Next we find out that the spinal tap they did came back positive for enterovirus which turned into viral meningitis for my little man.  Thank god it was viral and not bacterial.  It turns out that my older three had this virus which causes headache, fever and vomiting which explains every one of my older kids symptoms.  Unfortunately for little man, he got it worse than the older three as his immunity isn't quite as good as theirs.

This whole episode with little man has been an experience to say the least.  I am thankful for the best the husband a woman could ask for.  He stayed at home with my oldest son while he was throwing up and never complained once, he took care of the other two and made sure they got to school and fed them all.  He came to the hospital as soon as he could and he even made a trip back one night as his son was not happy and wouldn't sleep for me or any of the nurses.  He got him to sleep and then went back home to get some himself.  He helped get us through a really rough few days and for that I will always be thankful.

During all of this, I really found out what and who are important in my life.  My friend of many years came and stayed with my other 3 kids so my hubby could come and be with me and his son and believe it or not, my ex took the kids as much as he could as he was working, to help us out so that my hubby could be with us. 

I am glad the whole ordeal is over and that we are all happy and healthy again and all is well in my world once more.  It really does go to show you that when the going gets tough you know who you can count on.

My Newest Addition

I know that I am continually writing about the baby but hey I am currently living and breathing baby. He really is a happy baby. He's smiling all the time now and all it takes is one of his smiles to make it all worth it. I guess the truth be told a smile or giggle from any of my kidlets (which is the word I have been using to describe my kids lately) will make everything all worth it.

I have finally realized that like his father my youngest is a boob man. He won't take a pacifier or a bottle. I've tried every pacifier on the market (I mean every brand) and at least 4 different bottles. He will take the Gerber bottle but for only a few seconds and then won't take it again. It's hard. Hard on me and for hubby. He would love to give Ollie a bottle and bond with him but he just won't take it.

It has taken me 3 days to type this post and finally my little man sleeps.  Not on me but in his bassinet finally. I am able to do some things (how long it will last, who knows).  I have had a really rough go of it this time. He's the neediest baby ever and I feel like I can't breathe.  I would love to be able to go out in the car without it turning into a screaming match.  I have to travel everywhere with my hubby as I can not take the stress of going by myself (unless I have no choice).  He hates the car, he hates his crib and I am the go to guy for everything.  Not that I didn't expect a little of the neediness but this is claustrophobic. I am totally committed to the attachment parenting route that I have chosen for this baby, I just never realized how much work it is for me.  I think I did a little of the attachment parenting with my other three but I don't remember it being this hard.  I guess I never realized it before as I just had to do it, I had no choice as I had no real help. This time I have the help and baby won't let me take it.

I don't want to wish away his babyhood as this is the last baby I will ever have but I need to breathe and be able to get off of this couch.  All things eventually come to an end and hopefully this needy stage will too.

Where has the time gone?

Its all done. Halloween is done and over with and I have a massive pile of candy that my kids will never eat (not that I don't let them have it, they just don't eat it) and I now have 55 days until Christmas.

Oh my god did I just say the dreaded C word. I can't believe I'm talking about Christmas. I swear I've lost a year somewhere. I found out I was pregnant with my newest little babe just before Christmas last year and now here we are 55 days from the next one. Only this year I now have 4 kids to buy for. 

This last year seems like a blur. Big chunks of 2013 are missing. I don't like this fact. It means I'm getting older and my kids are growing up too fast. My oldest will be 10 in 55 days. How can she be 10 already?  

Our life has had so many changes in the past two years. I've gotten separated, divorced, remarried and had a new baby. Life has been good to me and for that I'm so glad. Glad that I've got what I am so grateful for. I'm relatively healthy, blessed to be married to the best man on the planet an I have 4 amazing kids. I hope that the next 10 years are just as amazing as the last 2.

Well off I go, gotta start shopping, only 55 days left...

Needy Baby

I am feeling guilty.  Guilty that I don't have 3 of me.  My newest addition to our family is needy.  I am constantly feeding, bouncing, talking baby or sitting with him on me all day, every day.  My other children must feel that the baby is the only one that exists.  I love all my children equally but my time is definitely not equal.

I very rarely move from the sofa as my youngest will only sleep on me, eats every couple hours and has now gotten into the stage where if he doesn't see or hear me he will cry.  I love my little guy but I am going insane.  I stare at the same 4 walls all day long (which need to be painted so badly) and I rarely leave the house.  I can't even walk my other kids to the bus stop in the morning.

I try to get out of the house but it is so hard with this baby.  He hates his car seat and cries everytime I put him in it, so going out in the car is next to impossible.  I have tried to go for walks but those don't always go well either.

I really miss spending time with all my kids equally as well as I haven't really had any time with my hubby either. 

I'm tired, cranky and most definitely done having babies. I know that all this will pass and I will miss this time too as we all know they grow up way too fast. 

Loving my Life as a Mommy

I have always wanted to be a mom. Even as a little girl I knew that I would one day raise my own babies. The only thing I didn't know when I was a little girl was how hard that task was going to be. 

My kids are pretty good kids although they still test the waters every chance they get, they are good kids.  I think as a mother I really just want my kids to grow up and be functioning adults in society.  My goal for my boys (and my daughter too) is for them to be independent, caring and loving adults.  One thing that drove me crazy about my ex was the fact that he could not do anything himself.  He can't cook, clean or do laundry and at 40 he is still living at home (where he moved after we split up) and his mom is still doing his cooking, cleaning and laundry.  My boys will not be like this. Ever.  I am going to teach them these simple things that everyone should know.  I want them to be wonderful husbands who will help around the house and not be afraid to cook and do laundry.

I definitely want the same things for my daughter too but with her I want her to be strong and independent and love herself no matter what.  I don't want her to feel the pressure of being thin and the wrong body image that our society sends out. I need her to feel that her body is a temple and that it's hers and hers alone.  I don't want her to be pressured to give that away so easily either.  I think that if I had to choose which gender is harder t parent, I will say girls.  I have to worry so much more about her.  I hope that I do a good enough job as her mom, that she knows she can always talk to me about anything and that we have a very open, honest relationship.

I hope that in 20 years, I can look at my kids and say I did a good job and they can say the same.

Taking things for granted

I am not usually the type to take anything for granted and that is so much more true now than ever.  Having a long hot soak in the tub, putting on mascara, having alone time with my husband, these are things that I never have time for.  God forbid I get a whole half hour to myself.  It is currently 6:40 p.m., I have fed my three older kids and breastfed my little one.  My little one is currently sleeping while my daughter (the oldest) is holding him because tonight is her night for one on one time with baby.  My middle one is still eating a slice of pizza and playing on his I-Pod and my 5 year old son is upstairs watching a movie.

My house is unbelievably quiet as I type this post.  Wednesday nights are not usually like this.  
Wednesday nights are usually hectic and stressful since that is the night my husband goes out to play darts and poker with the boys.  I don't mind him going out, we all need a few minutes to de-stress, but I am jealous.  I would love to have a night but alas that is not possible.  My newest addition is an eating machine and since I am exclusively breastfeeding there is not much anyone can do with the feeding.  I could pump but I never have the time as he is either eating from me or sleeping on me.  To be honest I am too tired.  I have fallen asleep in the reclining chair with him still eating just to get a 20 minute power nap.

If I wasn't sure about whether I was done having kids, he has definitely made sure I don't want any more. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change anything about him.  He's cute and happy most of the time but man when he is not happy I tell you no one in this house is either.  He is extremely needy and eats every hour and a half to two hours.  To be able to type up this post is wonderful.  It means he isn't eating or sleeping on me.

I am finally finishing this post and it's now 9:43 p.m., 3 hours later.  That's how long it took to get my older boys to bed and then watch one show with my daughter (she has become a very huge Castle fan) and then feed the baby 2 more times until he finally fell asleep.  But alas it was not meant to be, I hear the little man fussing in his bassinet telling me it is once again time to feed....

My Very First Post

As I sit here typing this post, I ask myself why?  What made me make the decision to write about my life as a mom?  Who knows but I am here now and I am hoping to post lots in the days, weeks and months to come. I have some great and wonderful advice about raising kids (as I am currently parenting 4 of them) and man do I have some great funny and amusing stories too.  I think the real reason for "blogging" is to vent and speak my mind.  

Let's start at the beginning and tell you a little bit about me.  As I said above I am a mother of 4. Parenting four children is an incredibly daunting and time consuming task.  My kids range in age from my oldest being 10 in December to my newest addition being 10 weeks old.  I am sleep deprived and cranky most days and to be honest I am not entirely sure how I do it all in one day.  My youngest is extremely needy and for that last 10 weeks I have plopped my butt on my sofa and pretty much not moved.  My husband has been amazingly helpful but when you are the food source, the baby is pretty much your responsibility.  I am currently married to my second husband, Chris.  We have been married for a year and the baby is ours together.  The older three are from my first marriage which lasted almost 10 years but just wasn't meant to be. My first marriage ended for many reasons mostly due to lack of communication and too much fighting.  It was unhealthy for me and the kids so I made the decision to leave.  I met my new hubby online and to be honest, he is everything I wish I had had the first time around.  He is an amazing man who is a wonderful husband and a great role model and stepfather.  He is new to the whole baby thing but is also managing to be a great daddy too.

We are great as a team and have so far been tackling having four kids pretty well.  He is from England and is currently unable to work as we are still waiting for his visa to process so I am lucky enough to have him here with me everyday and it has been a godsend.

I am sure that as I sit here posting this (with the 5 minutes I have so generously been given) I wonder what it is that I want to accomplish with these posts.  If I accomplish nothing at all but this post with my 5 free minutes as a mom of 4 then so be it, but at least I got 5 minutes and they were all mine.