Thursday, April 10, 2014

It's Finally Happened

I'm not even sure when it happened.  Where was I? I'm sure it was December 25, 2003 yesterday and my chunky little Michelin tire baby was born, the little princess I waited so long for.  15 months of trying for a baby and 6 months of fertility appointments and struggles, 3 months on Clomid and finally the baby I so desperately wanted was here.  She was an amazing little girl, always surprising me with how smart she was and how easy things came to her.  But alas, she's gone and in her place is a beautiful, smart 10 year old who is growing before my eyes.  Blossoming into a young lady as I sit back and watch.  Changing into a wonderful and amazing soul.

Unfortunately, it's time.  The time that to be honest I never really was worried about dealing with. I've been pretty honest with all of my kids about lots of things.  I think that they all know that no matter what I will be there for them, listen to them and they can ask me anything.

She really started asking questions when I got pregnant with baby number 4.  She wanted to know everything.  How does baby get in your tummy?  How does baby grow? Can I be in the room when you have him?  Well that last question was something I hadn't even considered.  I thought about, talked to my husband about it and finally couldn't really come to a decision about it.  I tried to think about how she would feel seeing me uncomfortable and in pain and I wondered if she could handle that, but what about the actual birth? So I went online and found "The Miracle of Life" and after fast forwarding through the first bit (the sex part), I got her to watch.  She watched the whole thing in awe and when it was finished she says "well that wasn't so bad and by the way how does the sperm get into the girl to reach the egg?". I kind of said something about the fact that it didn't really matter how and then went onto something else without actually really answering the question. She dropped it and asked me another question, one I was fully able to answer. I just think that she really doesn't need to know how at the age of 10. I'm glad that it was enough but that changed a few days ago.

I am assuming that she has been hearing things from the kids at school, or conversations she overhears with the adults as the bus stop but she has been saying things that aren't necessarily wrong but I would rather her know things about sex from me and not the kids at school.

So I sat down with her and we started to talk.  I asked her where she had heard some of the things she had said and she immediately started getting embarrassed and didn't want to talk to me.  I tried to get her to understand that she can talk with me about anything, that I would try my best to answer her questions and that way she had information that was correct.

We had a great talk and I didn't have to divulge to much information that I really don't think she is ready for.  She is after all, my baby (even if she is the oldest) and I want her to keep a little of her innocence so that she can be my little girl a little while longer.  She has plenty of time for all the other information that I still need to give her.  I will keep her safe and informed, but for now she knows just enough to keep the questions at bay, if even for only a few more months.

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