Tuesday, April 1, 2014

The Making of Our Blended and Wonderfully Happy Family

Since I haven't really told my story, I thought I would share it.  I hope you enjoy reading it as much I enjoyed writing about it. :)

My journey started 4 years ago when I left my husband of almost 10 years as we just weren't working anymore.  We tried counselling and all the things married couples try but I couldn't stay even for the children. We had grown apart and we wanted different things.  I think overall our breakup was amicable.  We've had a few horrible moments over the past 4 years but we've acted like the adults we are and gotten through it.  

I had honestly dropped out of the marriage prior to our separation but in all honesty so had he. Although he will never admit that he did, not being there for me and the kids on any level other than "providing" for us pretty much left me alone.  I was tired of all the fighting and our kids were only 7, 4 and 2.  I had to make a choice for me and the kids.  Although I don't think that separation and divorce are for everyone, it was for me.  I was unhappy, unloved and taken for granted.  He also in the last 6 years of our relationship created a relationship with God that I chose not to partake in and that caused a lot of problems.  His OCD made life with him difficult since everything he did (including God) was all or nothing.  I struggled for some time coming to the decision as I was going to be on my own with 3 kids and I hadn't worked in almost 8 years. I was strong though and I knew it would be hard but I would do it.

During the last 6 or so months of my relationship I found a little bit of solace and friendship with people I met online.  They were great listeners and I could be me with them and not worry about judgement or criticism.  I was playing an online bingo app on my Iphone with lots of different people around the world.  They were so funny and great to talk with while we played.  This is where I met my now husband.  He lived in England and he would play bingo all the time with us. There was a little group of us that used to all play.  Most of which I still have contact with to this day.

After a few months of chatting online we all started using skype to stay in contact with one another. A few of them are in the USA and a few were overseas in the UK.  I had my first skype conversation with my hubby in December of 2010.  This led to many more conversations on skype and our friendship grew.  He decided to come and visit me in March and was planning a week here with me.  He had spoken to my kids on skype a few times but I decided that I wasn't ready for them to meet him before I got the chance to.  They went to visit their aunt for the week (it was March Break here) and I stayed to spend time with him.  We did all of the touristy stuff that Toronto has to offer.  He took me to the CN tower for dinner (it was my first time too), we spent a night in Niagara Falls and took my parents out to dinner at Stage West.  To be honest he really did all of the things that had been missing in my previous relationship.  We had an amazing week and two days before he was to fly back to the UK, we picked my kids up together as I had decided that it was okay for them to meet him.

The next time we would be together was July.  I flew over to the UK to spend 20 days there with him.  We drove from London to France and then to Spain so I could meet his parents.  We had an amazing trip (it was my first trip on a plane anywhere) and now looking back we laugh that we had the honeymoon before the wedding.  We flew back to Toronto together and he has been here with us ever since.  We got married on September 15, 2012 after only 18 months together and I am so incredibly happy.  He is the most amazing guy anyone could ask for.  My kids love him to pieces (you just have to look at the handmade happy step-fatters day t-shirt they made him) and we all get along wonderfully.  

Don't get me wrong there are a lot of things that we have to deal with that some families who are not blended have to deal with.  Sometimes discipline is an issue for us as all 4 kids are mine but he is helping me raise 3 that aren't his.  We communicate really well most of the time but we still have issues like any other regular family.  Also having to deal with my ex and some of his "issues" can become tiresome and cause problems as well.

Overall, my kids are happy, healthy and enjoy having two men in their lives that love them more than anything on the planet.  Although the new baby is technically their half-sibling we have never stated it that way, nor will we.  As far as we are all concerned, they are brothers and sister and that's it.  They absolutely adore their new baby brother and because they are older, they love helping with him.  We love them all the same no matter what and at the end of the day, that's all that really matters.

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